A bit too much fight
Hi Friends,
I arrived at the hospital today to find that mom had been so naughty earlier in the morning that she'd pulled her PEG tube out (not to worry, it was not as bad as it sounds), and had been thrashing about so much they decided to put soft restraints on both legs and her left arm, and she has a "boxing glove" on her left hand to prevent her grabbing things. They had also felt the need to medicate her with some Ativan to calm her down a bit. Her heart rate was way up all day because she was so agitated, and she was sweating because she was getting so worked up. Today I spent about 7 hours with her, during which I kept repeating over and over that everything was alright, she was in the hospital and she had to stay in bed for now. I tried explaining that if she relaxed and stopped thrashing so much, that maybe we could take off the restraints, and that they were simply for her own protection so she didn't hurt herself. At the end of the sentence I said "okay?" and she totally nodded her head yes!!! Of course, she continued to try to thrash just the same, but the nurse also said she'd nodded her head to her earlier, and she did it to me a couple of times today! Nothing consistent yet, but perhaps her first attempts at communicating that she is understanding!!
As hard as this has been so far for me, I must acknowledge and remember that she literally does something new almost everyday! It may not be a huge thing, but it's usually always something, and today is just exactly 3 weeks from the accident. It's simply amazing what she's doing now compared with where she was 3 weeks ago, and I couldn't be more proud. I'm sure she is working just as hard as her brain is allowing at this point, and for that I am so grateful to her. We have this bond that is absolutely indescribable to anyone who doesn't REALLY know us, and if I know her, she's probably worrying more about me than she is about herself. So I keep telling her everyday that I'm fine and she's fine and that I'm taking care of everything (even though I may not always be fine, she doesn't need to know that) and that all she needs to worry about is healing and getting better...and she nodded at that today too.
Gosh, it's only been 3 weeks...not even a month. They say these things take months and years...I can't imagine being on this rollercoaster for that long. But I'll do it because she is my heart and my best friend in the world, and together we can get through anything. I need to remember that right now just because she cannot communicate with me, she is still with me through this, and I am still with her, so we are together, and that is what matters the most. She is with me physically and in all the memories and past advice which is getting me through these hard days. Neither of us is doing this independently of one another, even though it seems an awful lot like we are. We've always done everything together, and now it's just in a different way, but make no mistake...we're in this together for the long haul, come what may.
I arrived at the hospital today to find that mom had been so naughty earlier in the morning that she'd pulled her PEG tube out (not to worry, it was not as bad as it sounds), and had been thrashing about so much they decided to put soft restraints on both legs and her left arm, and she has a "boxing glove" on her left hand to prevent her grabbing things. They had also felt the need to medicate her with some Ativan to calm her down a bit. Her heart rate was way up all day because she was so agitated, and she was sweating because she was getting so worked up. Today I spent about 7 hours with her, during which I kept repeating over and over that everything was alright, she was in the hospital and she had to stay in bed for now. I tried explaining that if she relaxed and stopped thrashing so much, that maybe we could take off the restraints, and that they were simply for her own protection so she didn't hurt herself. At the end of the sentence I said "okay?" and she totally nodded her head yes!!! Of course, she continued to try to thrash just the same, but the nurse also said she'd nodded her head to her earlier, and she did it to me a couple of times today! Nothing consistent yet, but perhaps her first attempts at communicating that she is understanding!!
As hard as this has been so far for me, I must acknowledge and remember that she literally does something new almost everyday! It may not be a huge thing, but it's usually always something, and today is just exactly 3 weeks from the accident. It's simply amazing what she's doing now compared with where she was 3 weeks ago, and I couldn't be more proud. I'm sure she is working just as hard as her brain is allowing at this point, and for that I am so grateful to her. We have this bond that is absolutely indescribable to anyone who doesn't REALLY know us, and if I know her, she's probably worrying more about me than she is about herself. So I keep telling her everyday that I'm fine and she's fine and that I'm taking care of everything (even though I may not always be fine, she doesn't need to know that) and that all she needs to worry about is healing and getting better...and she nodded at that today too.
Gosh, it's only been 3 weeks...not even a month. They say these things take months and years...I can't imagine being on this rollercoaster for that long. But I'll do it because she is my heart and my best friend in the world, and together we can get through anything. I need to remember that right now just because she cannot communicate with me, she is still with me through this, and I am still with her, so we are together, and that is what matters the most. She is with me physically and in all the memories and past advice which is getting me through these hard days. Neither of us is doing this independently of one another, even though it seems an awful lot like we are. We've always done everything together, and now it's just in a different way, but make no mistake...we're in this together for the long haul, come what may.
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