Family ties
Hi Friends,
Well, today was another hard one for me in terms of anxiety and sadness, although for no particular reason that I can think of. Spent the morning drinking coffee in pjs with Aunt Betty and talking about life and the future and lots of other topics, and then had a small anxiety attack (I think, I've never actually had one before). But then I was okay, and we went and got some sunflowers for mom and a room air freshener for her room so the medicine smells wouldn't be so overwhelming. We headed down to be with her in the early afternoon, and she seemed to be in good spirits when we arrived...she also seemed to enjoy the sunflowers. :)
Shortly after we arrived, we had a wonderful conference call with the family back east...they had gathered together to celebrate my cousins' birthdays (Jackson and Ellie), and also to celebrate the fantastic progress that mom has made. It was Uncle Jack's idea to have a conference call on speaker phone so that mom could hear everyone's voices and they could all say hi to her. I really think she enjoyed it, and everyone else did too...she doesn't speak very loudly, so I had to serve as her "interpreter" over the phone, but she stayed attentive throughout the entire call, and definitely heard everyone talking to her and responded back appropriately. Toward the end, she got a little overwhelmed I think, but was in no apparent distress. I think it was really good for her though, to have the fact that she has so much support reinforced to her in a concrete way. At the end of the call, we all (both the parties in Chicago and New York) sang "Happy Birthday" to the kids...it was good for us all, and something we should perhaps try to do more often. :)
After that, we just hung out with mom all afternoon...she was particularly calm and quiet, which we later found out was likely due to some low blood sugar values (they are in the process of fine-tuning her insulin dosages...for some reason, which they said at first was normal following a traumatic injury but now seems like it's going on longer than expected, her blood sugars have been behaving as though she is diabetic, which she never was prior to the accident). They actually gave her some orange juice through her PEG tube to raise it more quickly than the actual tube feed itself would, and it did go up. Hopefully they'll be able to adjust the dosages to more accurately treat this, and she is going in the right direction as far as needing less insulin than she has thus far.
Sofie's flight back to NY was scheduled for 9pm, and so she and Aunt Betty headed out to the airport around 6pm to make sure they arrived on time with the trains being funky and rerouted and such. So I spent the majority of the evening with mom by myself...it was a hard evening for me, I think because everything is beginning to catch up with me a little more...lack of good sleep, not eating that healthfully, pent up stress and emotion all combined to send me over the edge a few times throughout the evening. I tried not to do it in front of mom, but sometimes it comes when I don't expect it, and then I turn my back as best I can. But I can tell she knows, and at one point she did try to wipe away some tears. She was very agitated and confused this evening...she'd fall asleep for brief moments, and when she woke up, she'd say things that althoughI understood the words were completely out of context and didn't make sense, and I'd constantly have to reassure her that everything was alright, that I loved her, and that she should rest. That was very draining...how will I do this for months? I'm hoping once she starts her first full week of therapy, she'll make strides and some of the brunt of this will be taken off me and put upon her therapists...that is what they're there for. I just need to recharge and gear up for it, or as mom would say, "gird up my loins." ;)
One thing I forgot to mention she did last night...she was up in her wheelchair and we were sitting for a bit in the dining room. Betty had gotten a cup of ice water and was sitting next to mom at the table. Mom very deliberately reached over with her left hand (the good side), picked up the cup of water, and slowly began to bring it to her lips to take a sip...Betty and I were incredulous, and it was just a moment before she actually got it to her mouth that we took it away and gently told mom it wasn't quite time for that yet. :) But she knew what she was doing, and wanted to know why she coudn't have a sip!
On our way out tonight, we said our goodnights and "I love yous," and as I was walking out the door, I said "I love you" once more and flashed her the ASL (American Sign Language) sign for "I love you," which for those of you who don't know is the thumb, forefinger and pinky raised. We'd always done this Before, and so for me is a kind of habit. Well, wouldn't you know, she did it right back to me with her right (weak) hand as if it were nothing at all, without a second thought about it. Pretty incredible, and just what I needed to get me through until tomorrow. She's amazing, my mom is...in ways she'll never know. God, I love her so much.
Well, today was another hard one for me in terms of anxiety and sadness, although for no particular reason that I can think of. Spent the morning drinking coffee in pjs with Aunt Betty and talking about life and the future and lots of other topics, and then had a small anxiety attack (I think, I've never actually had one before). But then I was okay, and we went and got some sunflowers for mom and a room air freshener for her room so the medicine smells wouldn't be so overwhelming. We headed down to be with her in the early afternoon, and she seemed to be in good spirits when we arrived...she also seemed to enjoy the sunflowers. :)
Shortly after we arrived, we had a wonderful conference call with the family back east...they had gathered together to celebrate my cousins' birthdays (Jackson and Ellie), and also to celebrate the fantastic progress that mom has made. It was Uncle Jack's idea to have a conference call on speaker phone so that mom could hear everyone's voices and they could all say hi to her. I really think she enjoyed it, and everyone else did too...she doesn't speak very loudly, so I had to serve as her "interpreter" over the phone, but she stayed attentive throughout the entire call, and definitely heard everyone talking to her and responded back appropriately. Toward the end, she got a little overwhelmed I think, but was in no apparent distress. I think it was really good for her though, to have the fact that she has so much support reinforced to her in a concrete way. At the end of the call, we all (both the parties in Chicago and New York) sang "Happy Birthday" to the kids...it was good for us all, and something we should perhaps try to do more often. :)
After that, we just hung out with mom all afternoon...she was particularly calm and quiet, which we later found out was likely due to some low blood sugar values (they are in the process of fine-tuning her insulin dosages...for some reason, which they said at first was normal following a traumatic injury but now seems like it's going on longer than expected, her blood sugars have been behaving as though she is diabetic, which she never was prior to the accident). They actually gave her some orange juice through her PEG tube to raise it more quickly than the actual tube feed itself would, and it did go up. Hopefully they'll be able to adjust the dosages to more accurately treat this, and she is going in the right direction as far as needing less insulin than she has thus far.
Sofie's flight back to NY was scheduled for 9pm, and so she and Aunt Betty headed out to the airport around 6pm to make sure they arrived on time with the trains being funky and rerouted and such. So I spent the majority of the evening with mom by myself...it was a hard evening for me, I think because everything is beginning to catch up with me a little more...lack of good sleep, not eating that healthfully, pent up stress and emotion all combined to send me over the edge a few times throughout the evening. I tried not to do it in front of mom, but sometimes it comes when I don't expect it, and then I turn my back as best I can. But I can tell she knows, and at one point she did try to wipe away some tears. She was very agitated and confused this evening...she'd fall asleep for brief moments, and when she woke up, she'd say things that althoughI understood the words were completely out of context and didn't make sense, and I'd constantly have to reassure her that everything was alright, that I loved her, and that she should rest. That was very draining...how will I do this for months? I'm hoping once she starts her first full week of therapy, she'll make strides and some of the brunt of this will be taken off me and put upon her therapists...that is what they're there for. I just need to recharge and gear up for it, or as mom would say, "gird up my loins." ;)
One thing I forgot to mention she did last night...she was up in her wheelchair and we were sitting for a bit in the dining room. Betty had gotten a cup of ice water and was sitting next to mom at the table. Mom very deliberately reached over with her left hand (the good side), picked up the cup of water, and slowly began to bring it to her lips to take a sip...Betty and I were incredulous, and it was just a moment before she actually got it to her mouth that we took it away and gently told mom it wasn't quite time for that yet. :) But she knew what she was doing, and wanted to know why she coudn't have a sip!
On our way out tonight, we said our goodnights and "I love yous," and as I was walking out the door, I said "I love you" once more and flashed her the ASL (American Sign Language) sign for "I love you," which for those of you who don't know is the thumb, forefinger and pinky raised. We'd always done this Before, and so for me is a kind of habit. Well, wouldn't you know, she did it right back to me with her right (weak) hand as if it were nothing at all, without a second thought about it. Pretty incredible, and just what I needed to get me through until tomorrow. She's amazing, my mom is...in ways she'll never know. God, I love her so much.
Comments
Love you,
Hope
katie p