I know it sounds terrible to anyone who hasn't gone through it...and don't get me wrong, I love my mom more than ever...but I miss my old mom so much sometimes. Three years later, and I still wish I could talk to her one more time, get some advice from her, just be with her. Or at least be able to think of her looking down on me, a constant presence in all my moments, high or low. But (thank heaven and earth) my mom's not dead...she's just different now. I often wonder where her old self went...it seems to have just disappeared into thin air, and this new self just came to be in place of her...and I can't help but feel guilty for mourning that old mom. I just wish I could find the essence of her and put her in a box so I could hold onto her forever...I guess that's what my memory is for, but why does it feel so inadequate sometimes?

Comments

Debbi Bearden said…
I have intermittently followed your blog on your mom cause I went to High School with her. My friend Phil who was more close to her told me of the accident. Your writing touches my mind and heart in so many ways. It is such a heartfelt testimony of profound love for a parent. You couldn't be a more loving devoted precious daughter. You hold that high spirit of your mom so perfectly. I ache when you write of your loss of your "old mom." Tears fall now cause that love is so dear and so cherished. I have just been so impressed with your openness and sharing of your grief and joy. So bittersweet. If you are so inclined please update me on Bev and also on how you are doing. I recently recommended a friend's husband to the Northeast Center based on your blog cause it seems impossible to find anyplace to treat short term memory and cognitve difficulties. He had a stroke which is different from trauma but has some similar sequelae. When I sought out your blog to find the name of the center, and I saw your last posting, I just felt such an enormous sadness, but of course, also such hope for Bev that she reaches a place where even a slim thread of the old connections can again be felt for you both.
February 19, 2011 at 8:58 AM
Kurt B. said…
Very well written blog. I will subscribe via rss feed :-)
May 7, 2011 at 7:09 AM
David Glenn said…
We have to accept the fact that life sometimes is not as good as we want it to be. That's life and all of us may have to undergo these hard times in our lives. I'm a Brain injury lawyer Dallas TX ,and that's what I always tell to my clients who have gone through hard times.. I wish you and your mom good things to come in the future.
September 2, 2013 at 5:56 AM
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