Hard work
Hi Friends,
Not much new today...I wish I had more progress to report, but it seems we are in a holding pattern right now in terms of waiting for the agitated/confused stage to be over. As you may recall from last night's post, I was hopeful her calmness and relaxed state were the beginnings of her emergence, but I was getting a little ahead of myself I think.
She had a total of about 4 hours of therapy today all combined, more than she has had yet, which I suppose could have contributed to her agitation. She had speech, OT, PT and also had a 30 minute session with the psychologist...I have yet to meet him, so I don't know how the session went, but I'm hopeful that she will be able to begin dealing with some of the frustration and anger she must be feeling now that she is beginning to be more cognizant of her situation. Her therapists said she did well in her sessions today, but I suppose that is all relative...she still has extreme difficulty focusing and maintaining her attention on the task at hand, which is to be expected. That I can deal with, and I can deal with the difficulties she has with the tasks. But the thing which I find hardest to handle, and which just twists the knife EVERY time for me is when she says things like "I can't" or "I'm not doing this anymore" or "I don't care" or "Whatever." Half the battle is her willingness to work hard at her therapies, and I know this is all part of this confusion/agitation stage and her short attention span. I just hope and pray that when she emerges, her attitude will improve. Anyone who knows her knows that she has an extremely strong work ethic, is strong and a fighter, is stubborn and determined. They also know that she HATES being a patient and doesn't like to be told what to do. I only hope she will be able to channel all her negative feelings into beating this injury, and pour all that energy into her therapies.
I also cannot describe to you how much it takes out of me to be there during her therapies and give her the encouragement and the "kick in the ass" so to speak to work hard and do what she's told. It is an actual physical sensation for me to dig as deep down as I possibly can to pull out the energy and give it to her. And I know what people would say to me...this is something that I cannot do for her, that she has to do this part herself. This is true, and I know that. But it cannot be denied that support and encouragement from her family is essential to her recovery, and her will to do everything she can to make it happen. In a heartbeat I would do all of it for her if I could, but since I can't, I feel the best thing I can do for her is to transfer my energy to her. It's a sort of "tough love" attitude that I have to exude, where when she is protesting and putting up a fight, I tell her it is non-negotiable and that she simply must perform the task at hand. But inside, I am just as frustrated as she is and thinking how unfair it is that she has to be going through this at all. It's absolutely excruciating. I have the utmost respect for all her therapists, who seem completely unfazed, and continue to plug away no matter what. It is, in these early stages, a very thankless job.
So, friends, I need your love and prayers now more than ever. For mom's strength, for her ability to channel her energy into fighting and healing, and for my strength. Jillian and I are getting massages tomorrow, something we planned a few months ago and long before this nightmare began, but which couldn't have come at a better time. Perhaps this will recharge my batteries a bit. Love you all.
Not much new today...I wish I had more progress to report, but it seems we are in a holding pattern right now in terms of waiting for the agitated/confused stage to be over. As you may recall from last night's post, I was hopeful her calmness and relaxed state were the beginnings of her emergence, but I was getting a little ahead of myself I think.
She had a total of about 4 hours of therapy today all combined, more than she has had yet, which I suppose could have contributed to her agitation. She had speech, OT, PT and also had a 30 minute session with the psychologist...I have yet to meet him, so I don't know how the session went, but I'm hopeful that she will be able to begin dealing with some of the frustration and anger she must be feeling now that she is beginning to be more cognizant of her situation. Her therapists said she did well in her sessions today, but I suppose that is all relative...she still has extreme difficulty focusing and maintaining her attention on the task at hand, which is to be expected. That I can deal with, and I can deal with the difficulties she has with the tasks. But the thing which I find hardest to handle, and which just twists the knife EVERY time for me is when she says things like "I can't" or "I'm not doing this anymore" or "I don't care" or "Whatever." Half the battle is her willingness to work hard at her therapies, and I know this is all part of this confusion/agitation stage and her short attention span. I just hope and pray that when she emerges, her attitude will improve. Anyone who knows her knows that she has an extremely strong work ethic, is strong and a fighter, is stubborn and determined. They also know that she HATES being a patient and doesn't like to be told what to do. I only hope she will be able to channel all her negative feelings into beating this injury, and pour all that energy into her therapies.
I also cannot describe to you how much it takes out of me to be there during her therapies and give her the encouragement and the "kick in the ass" so to speak to work hard and do what she's told. It is an actual physical sensation for me to dig as deep down as I possibly can to pull out the energy and give it to her. And I know what people would say to me...this is something that I cannot do for her, that she has to do this part herself. This is true, and I know that. But it cannot be denied that support and encouragement from her family is essential to her recovery, and her will to do everything she can to make it happen. In a heartbeat I would do all of it for her if I could, but since I can't, I feel the best thing I can do for her is to transfer my energy to her. It's a sort of "tough love" attitude that I have to exude, where when she is protesting and putting up a fight, I tell her it is non-negotiable and that she simply must perform the task at hand. But inside, I am just as frustrated as she is and thinking how unfair it is that she has to be going through this at all. It's absolutely excruciating. I have the utmost respect for all her therapists, who seem completely unfazed, and continue to plug away no matter what. It is, in these early stages, a very thankless job.
So, friends, I need your love and prayers now more than ever. For mom's strength, for her ability to channel her energy into fighting and healing, and for my strength. Jillian and I are getting massages tomorrow, something we planned a few months ago and long before this nightmare began, but which couldn't have come at a better time. Perhaps this will recharge my batteries a bit. Love you all.
Comments
Everytime I read your blog I am amazed at the progress your mother has made and even more amazed by you. Your spirit and strength are something to look up to. You and your mother are always in my thoughts.
Love you.
Lia
I used to work with your mother at Allina Clinic (I am still there). I just wanted to let you know that I read this blog everyday and look forward to hearing the progress Bev has made. She is so encouraging. I just wanted to let you know that you and your mother are in my prayers. This is a very trying time, kind of like being a parent. Please remember that your mom will appreciate all that you are doing for her and when she is able she will thank you! Your courage and strength are exactly what she needs right now! You are an amazing woman! Keep your chin up!!!! Enjoy your massage!!
With Love,
Tamie Jo Zyskowski
This is the management at LDR 16. We wanted to let you know that we've fired your friend Natalie. Give our best to your mother. Keep up the tough love.
I am so glad that I was able to hang out with you the past two days and visit with Bev:) Our massages were so fun and I am so glad that you enjoyed yourself! Hang in there and I will see you very soon!
Love, Jillian