"Smelling the grapes"
Hi Friends,
Today I only worked 8 hours because it was Leadership day (which means I was in a meeting all day), so it wasn't physically taxing but it was mentally so because we discussed lots of issues related to the move to the new hospital. On my lunch break, I had to run an errand which basically took up the entire time (but which was a necessity), so I once again wasn't able to run over and see mom. But I left as soon as I could, and went straight over to RIC where I met Aunt Linda and Lilly. Right before they got there and as soon as I stepped onto the unit, the PCT taking care of mom pulled me aside and said they'd had to put everything liquid and semi-liquid in mom's room up high and out of reach, because apparently, she was caught trying to drink from her suction container (so gross...BEYOND disgusting...but as the PCT said, at least it was her own) and trying to drink/eat her lotion. This both broke my heart, discouraged me a little bit because clearly she had no idea what she was doing, and simultaneously made me laugh. She REALLY wants to eat and drink. Ugh.
There was a note left for me in the room from mom's speech therapist, Michelle, which said something to the effect of "Amanda, Your mom did AWESOME in speech therapy today. She worked really hard! Can't wait to tell you all about it! Michelle." Wow!!!! That absolutely made my day, and I told mom over and over again how proud I was of her. Aunt Linda and Lilly came and we all sat down to hang out and chat. Yesterday, I guess one of the things they did with her during their "therapy" session with her was to look at money and refresh her memory about it. Today, when they got there, without prompting or any mention of it, mom said "Let's do the money again!" That was the first glimmer yet of maybe some short term memory! So we showed it to her again and talked about the presidents on the bills, etc. We were just hanging out and chatting, and Dinh walked by and ended up coming in and meeting Aunt Linda and talking with us for a little bit. He asked mom what she was up to, and she replied matter-of-factly "Oh, just lyin' here, smelling the grapes!" Ha. I just read a book called "Where Is the Mango Princess?" by a woman whose husband suffered a traumatic brain injury, and that is one of the first questions he asked upon "awakening" from his coma. To this day, she still cannot quite figure out who the mango princess is, but it was a great enough quote to use as a book title, so I figured I'd use the grape quote for the title of the blog. It's all fruit, right?
Anyway, Dinh told us they were "concerned" about mom's somewhat abrupt change in demeanor and mood...he described it as euphoria, which he said is sometimes just as much of a hindrance to recovery as agitation, depression and frustration can be (although at this point none of us understand how her willingess to participate and work hard and learn could possibly be a hindrance, unless she will burn out quickly on this euphoric high). He said they're hoping that perhaps it's just a medication issue, and that if they decrease her dosage of antidepressant, it will get her back to a sort of middle ground in mood...but that sometimes euphoria can be a neurological symptom from brain injury. I guess none of us had quite considered this...of course, we (by we I mean Lilly and I, I suppose) had noticed her dramatically improved mood from last week, her tendency to say "Wow!" and "That's so beautiful!" and "How wonderful!" to everything, and how she's especially thankful to both us and staff for everything, etc. I guess we were so happy she wasn't angry, agitated, and tearful that we failed to really pay attention to the fact that she was going a little far in the other direction. It certainly is much easier to take than the opposite, that's for sure. It's not that she is constantly that way, and to certain things she does react appropriately sad or calm. What they want me/us to do is describe to them her pre-morbid (what an icky word) personality so that they can try to match the new Bev with the old Bev as closely as possible.
My question is, how does one do that? How do you sum up someone's whole personality in a few sentences to convey who they were/are for someone who never knew here Before, and wants to get her back to that? This is where I must ask for your help...those who know her, know her the best or maybe just knew her a little bit, please give me some input...of course, I'd consider myself the one who knew her best along with our family, but sometimes I feel so deep "in it" that I cannot step back and make generalizations about her personality...I'm so embedded in trying to get to know the new Bev it's hard for me to articulate "old Bev" traits. So please, I'm asking for your help...I don't expect anyone to glorify her...this is not an obituary nor a test of friendship...I want true, honest observations from other perpectives that I may not have been able to see at my end. We all want Our Bev back, and this is your chance to help us get there, so I am imploring you...this is some concrete help you can give me. Help us try to resurrect some "old Bev" so we can make sure she's as whole and wonderful as possible as the "new Bev."
I'll start...she's a natural born comedian with great timing and a wonderful, if at times naughty and un-PC, sense of humor. She's fiercely independent, sometimes show's her Italian temper with choice words (I always scolded her for swearing), and wishes sometimes she was innerly more gracious and patient. But when it matters, she'll do anything for anyone, is a hard worker, and a survivor. When it came to raising me, I always knew I was ultimate in her life, and though I know she has regrets with how she did certain things and decisions she made when I was growing up, overall I think I turned out pretty great as a result of her unconditional, constant love, which I never doubted. Those who know us know we have a special bond between us that is palpable...we GET each other more than any one else, and we consider ourselves best friends in addition to mother-daughter...and we are very demonstrative of this, both vocally and through physical touch like linking arms, cuddling up to watch a movie, and giving "firm embraces" (inside joke). Maybe we're even too dependent on each other. She expects a lot of people, but nothing more than she expects of herself. She has lots of ideas, and sometimes those ideas need help getting off the ground, but once they actually do, her work ethic is unstoppable...hence grad school. She's feisty and opinionated, but has a way of getting along with everybody, even when nobody else does, and touching lives she may never have known she did (this I know for sure because of the messages and emails I've gotten on her behalf). She's the best supporter I've ever known, and the best chearleader. She's always told me I'm the best thing that ever happened to her, the best thing she ever did. She hates exercise and being a patient and being told what to do. After all, SHE'S the director. ;)
So does this sum up her personality? I don't know. Please, help me...give me your observations, your illustrative stories, your feelings, your conclusions. Anything will help. Thank you. I look forward to hearing from you soon. Keep loving, too.
Today I only worked 8 hours because it was Leadership day (which means I was in a meeting all day), so it wasn't physically taxing but it was mentally so because we discussed lots of issues related to the move to the new hospital. On my lunch break, I had to run an errand which basically took up the entire time (but which was a necessity), so I once again wasn't able to run over and see mom. But I left as soon as I could, and went straight over to RIC where I met Aunt Linda and Lilly. Right before they got there and as soon as I stepped onto the unit, the PCT taking care of mom pulled me aside and said they'd had to put everything liquid and semi-liquid in mom's room up high and out of reach, because apparently, she was caught trying to drink from her suction container (so gross...BEYOND disgusting...but as the PCT said, at least it was her own) and trying to drink/eat her lotion. This both broke my heart, discouraged me a little bit because clearly she had no idea what she was doing, and simultaneously made me laugh. She REALLY wants to eat and drink. Ugh.
There was a note left for me in the room from mom's speech therapist, Michelle, which said something to the effect of "Amanda, Your mom did AWESOME in speech therapy today. She worked really hard! Can't wait to tell you all about it! Michelle." Wow!!!! That absolutely made my day, and I told mom over and over again how proud I was of her. Aunt Linda and Lilly came and we all sat down to hang out and chat. Yesterday, I guess one of the things they did with her during their "therapy" session with her was to look at money and refresh her memory about it. Today, when they got there, without prompting or any mention of it, mom said "Let's do the money again!" That was the first glimmer yet of maybe some short term memory! So we showed it to her again and talked about the presidents on the bills, etc. We were just hanging out and chatting, and Dinh walked by and ended up coming in and meeting Aunt Linda and talking with us for a little bit. He asked mom what she was up to, and she replied matter-of-factly "Oh, just lyin' here, smelling the grapes!" Ha. I just read a book called "Where Is the Mango Princess?" by a woman whose husband suffered a traumatic brain injury, and that is one of the first questions he asked upon "awakening" from his coma. To this day, she still cannot quite figure out who the mango princess is, but it was a great enough quote to use as a book title, so I figured I'd use the grape quote for the title of the blog. It's all fruit, right?
Anyway, Dinh told us they were "concerned" about mom's somewhat abrupt change in demeanor and mood...he described it as euphoria, which he said is sometimes just as much of a hindrance to recovery as agitation, depression and frustration can be (although at this point none of us understand how her willingess to participate and work hard and learn could possibly be a hindrance, unless she will burn out quickly on this euphoric high). He said they're hoping that perhaps it's just a medication issue, and that if they decrease her dosage of antidepressant, it will get her back to a sort of middle ground in mood...but that sometimes euphoria can be a neurological symptom from brain injury. I guess none of us had quite considered this...of course, we (by we I mean Lilly and I, I suppose) had noticed her dramatically improved mood from last week, her tendency to say "Wow!" and "That's so beautiful!" and "How wonderful!" to everything, and how she's especially thankful to both us and staff for everything, etc. I guess we were so happy she wasn't angry, agitated, and tearful that we failed to really pay attention to the fact that she was going a little far in the other direction. It certainly is much easier to take than the opposite, that's for sure. It's not that she is constantly that way, and to certain things she does react appropriately sad or calm. What they want me/us to do is describe to them her pre-morbid (what an icky word) personality so that they can try to match the new Bev with the old Bev as closely as possible.
My question is, how does one do that? How do you sum up someone's whole personality in a few sentences to convey who they were/are for someone who never knew here Before, and wants to get her back to that? This is where I must ask for your help...those who know her, know her the best or maybe just knew her a little bit, please give me some input...of course, I'd consider myself the one who knew her best along with our family, but sometimes I feel so deep "in it" that I cannot step back and make generalizations about her personality...I'm so embedded in trying to get to know the new Bev it's hard for me to articulate "old Bev" traits. So please, I'm asking for your help...I don't expect anyone to glorify her...this is not an obituary nor a test of friendship...I want true, honest observations from other perpectives that I may not have been able to see at my end. We all want Our Bev back, and this is your chance to help us get there, so I am imploring you...this is some concrete help you can give me. Help us try to resurrect some "old Bev" so we can make sure she's as whole and wonderful as possible as the "new Bev."
I'll start...she's a natural born comedian with great timing and a wonderful, if at times naughty and un-PC, sense of humor. She's fiercely independent, sometimes show's her Italian temper with choice words (I always scolded her for swearing), and wishes sometimes she was innerly more gracious and patient. But when it matters, she'll do anything for anyone, is a hard worker, and a survivor. When it came to raising me, I always knew I was ultimate in her life, and though I know she has regrets with how she did certain things and decisions she made when I was growing up, overall I think I turned out pretty great as a result of her unconditional, constant love, which I never doubted. Those who know us know we have a special bond between us that is palpable...we GET each other more than any one else, and we consider ourselves best friends in addition to mother-daughter...and we are very demonstrative of this, both vocally and through physical touch like linking arms, cuddling up to watch a movie, and giving "firm embraces" (inside joke). Maybe we're even too dependent on each other. She expects a lot of people, but nothing more than she expects of herself. She has lots of ideas, and sometimes those ideas need help getting off the ground, but once they actually do, her work ethic is unstoppable...hence grad school. She's feisty and opinionated, but has a way of getting along with everybody, even when nobody else does, and touching lives she may never have known she did (this I know for sure because of the messages and emails I've gotten on her behalf). She's the best supporter I've ever known, and the best chearleader. She's always told me I'm the best thing that ever happened to her, the best thing she ever did. She hates exercise and being a patient and being told what to do. After all, SHE'S the director. ;)
So does this sum up her personality? I don't know. Please, help me...give me your observations, your illustrative stories, your feelings, your conclusions. Anything will help. Thank you. I look forward to hearing from you soon. Keep loving, too.
Comments
Tamie Jo
Minnesota
Bev's affect is generally upbeat. Articulate and passionate, Bev enjoys a long deep conversation and kept it animated with plenty of personal anecdotes. She has a good sense of decorum--she would not make scenes in public places, but she wasn't afraid to laugh loud either. I'd call her generally assertive. Bev is demonstrative with affection and does not shy away from discussions of her own emotions. She has an "Italian" streak, and would express her anger and/or impatience appropriately yet vehemently. Bev is creative and detail-oriented, persistent in work situations--especially if told she can't do it. Bev actively works toward goals. She registers frustration when people "baby" her--she is particularly sensitive to that sort of thing. She definitely does not take well to being patronized. Her independence is very important to her. She tends towards self-reliance.
Hmm. Hopefully that helps some. BEAR HUGS to you, Amanda. I'm reading everything you write. RW
What a great description of your Mom:) I will give it some thought and let you know.
Love, Jillian