Speech!

Hi Friends,

Okay, I'm just going to sum up the day briefly because once again I am exhausted. I was at work again today for 8 hrs, and acted as the unit charge nurse...it was a pretty busy day, and I was nervous I wouldn't be able to handle it since it's been awhile and my nerves are pretty much shot, but I actually did okay thanks to my partner in crime, Jillian, who was a great TL today. I was pretty anxious all day, but nothing that kept me from doing my job I guess. There was one moment where I went to a delivery, and the doctor was letting the patient's mom help deliver the baby...I almost had to step out because I was going to lose it, but I held it together, breathed deeply, and I ended up being okay except for a few tears in my eyes.

It was busy enough today that I wasn't able to go over to see mom at all during my shift, and I felt bad about that. I headed over after I got out and was still feeling pretty down and anxious (it's been a rough couple of days for me what with being back to work and all), and I ran into mom's speech therapist as soon as I stepped onto the unit and before I got to her room. She told me they had just finished the best session they'd had thus far!!!! Mom only got somewhat frustrated and said "I don't know" twice throughout the whole hour and was fairly easy to get back on track. The therapist (Michelle) said she whipped through most of the speech exercises they did, and her attention was somewhat improved today! She said they talked about me, and she said my name and everything! I of course burst into tears when she was telling me this because it was JUST what I needed to hear after the last couple days of high anxiety and discouragement. I thanked her up and down for telling me, and for working so hard with her, and of course apologized for falling apart on her. Then I headed into mom's room, and she was very glad to see me. I told her what Michelle had just told me, and how proud I was of her, and that she was getting better everyday and that I was so happy. She smiled and agreed and responded totally appropriately, and she was so lucid and I was so glad that the waterworks turned on once again (I can't seem to help it these days...as I said, my nerves are absolutely shot). I told her how much I loved her, that she was my favorite (I think I mentioned before that this is something we'd say to each other all the time), and that I was so happy she was getting better. Then SHE started tearing up, and kept telling me she knew I loved her, knew I'd do anything for her, knew she was my favorite, and wiped my tear away from the corner of my eye, and I did the same for her. Then she told me to be happy, and not to cry, so I tried my best to pull myself together. Then, to get ahold of myself, I started telling her about my day at work and all that, and she was listening and responding with appropriate smiles, nods, eyebrow raising and eye rolling...we literally were interacting while she was paying complete attention for a good 10 minutes!!!!!! And then the OT Laura came in to work with her for a little bit, and taught me how to transfer her into the wheelchair from the bed and back, and we practiced it a couple times. Then they did some other stuff, and she started getting distracted and frustrated...I really think right now that her issue with her poor behind is really affecting her ability to participate in therapy...they did speech today while she was in her bed and she did great as I said, but when they get her up sitting, she does worse I think a lot because she is so uncomfortable. :( It's a catch-22 because they don't want her in bed all day but at the same time it hurts for her to sit...they're actively working to resolve the issue, but it does take time.

Went and got a quick dinner with Natalie and then we headed back over to mom...she was not feeling very well and so was again a bit agitated. She got to the point where she said something about "in private" and then essentially kicked us out...she wasn't being irrationally mean, it wasn't like that...I think she just needed to rest and relax without getting tired out by trying to talk and "entertain us." I was really proud of myself, because I didn't get upset and take it personally...of course it kinda sucked that she wanted us to leave, but I didn't get all weepy for once. So we left around 7:30 and I ended up hanging out at "The Plaza" (aka Natalie's apartment) for a couple hours while we watched TV. It was nice to just relax a little and not be home alone in the evening for a change. Thanks, Natalie...you'll never know how helpful that was to me. We really must do it again soon, if you can tolerate me. ;) Sometimes I feel like I'm foisting myself on people, so if you don't want to hang with me, just make up some sort of excuse so I don't feel bad, okay?

Alright, off to bed. I have off work for the next 6 days (I don't know how that happened, but I'm going with it!), and then next week it's back to the 12 hr shifts. So maybe I'll actually get some house work done and maybe even some laundry...imagine that! We'll see...I know I've got to force myself or else the apartment may soon be condemned. ;) Thank you all for your continued support, love and prayers. Now more than ever I need to feel that and so does mom. Much love to you.