Crazy Eights

Hi Friends,

Just got home from having a nice dinner and seeing a movie with Suzi...saw "Atonement," it was good. Whatever that Scottish actor's name is in it, he's nice to look at. ;) We had nice chats and just an all around good time, and it's always so lovely to spend some downtime with a good friend.

Earlier, I did nothing that I was supposed to before leaving the house...I could win an award for procrastination...sometimes I still feel like a 10 year old who needs her hand held to do anything she's supposed to do. Ugh. But then it was getting late, and I missed mom, so I wanted to go see her. When I arrived, she was sitting on the couch near the elevator waiting, so glad to see me, which led me to believe she'd been very bored and lonely today. She looked beautiful in her outfit she'd put together after her shower...she'd chosen brand new socks, and looked dressed for Valentine's Day in red pants and a pink shirt. :) Her hair was combed neatly, her teeth were brushed, and she was very pleased with herself that she'd done it all on her own...I think it feels SO good for her to be back doing these normal cares and things for herself...it makes her feel as though she has a purpose, like her life is getting back to normal...or as normal as it can feel when you're stuck in a nursing home.

She tries to hide how she feels about the place sometimes, because I know she doesn't want to make me feel bad...but I can tell she would walk out of there in a second without a backward glance, as soon as I say the word. And sometimes, she still doesn't quite understand what else it is she has to do before they say it's okay for her to leave. She sees that she's doing so well, and is so happy to be doing well. To be honest, I don't quite understand that either, so I'm hoping the care meeting on Tuesday will shed some light on that subject. What are the criteria for safe discharge? What skills must she master? How is it measured? How will I know she's safe? If something bad happened if she was discharged home too soon, I'd NEVER forgive myself. It's scary as hell.

It's like having a child you're sending off to his or her first day of school, and you have to trust they'll be okay. How am I ever going to have kids? Could I ever? I always thought I wanted a few, but this whole thing has rocked that conviction...could I really handle being constantly worried about someone you love so much voluntarily? I certainly didn't volunteer for this, and didn't feel ready for this yet. I admire all mothers for being so strong...you are my inspiration to go on sometimes, because I know you've done it and continue to do so, and therefore so can I. I'm not articulating myself well, so I apologize for the rambling. Just a thank you to mothers...you truly are a model by which I am trying to form my life and decisions.

Anyway, mom, Suzi and I had a nice afternoon hanging out...Suzi got a tour of the whole place...the rehab room with all the equipment, the Bistro, the lobby, and of course her floor and the dining room. We did spend a good amount of time in her room...she wanted to show off her crazy roommate, but we actually forgot all about her as we got engrossed in our own conversations. We talked about politics, and I asked mom whether she preferred Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton during the debates...she said hands down Hillary, and when asked why, she said she thought she presented herself in a clearer way, more straightforward and with a plan. Makes sense to me! :) We also talked about the situation with the Spears family...Jamie Lynn pregnant and all, and Britney just out of the hospital. Not to worry, she'd been keeping up with it on TV, and knew all about the hospitalization...she expressed some clear views on what should be done with the kids, and her heartbreak for them. :) I was impressed that she had opinions about these things!

Then we pulled out the cards, and Suzi taught us both how to play Crazy Eights...this is NOT a game mom had played regularly prior to the accident (that I know of anyway...she was never much of a card player at all), and yet she caught on to the rules and actually won the first game with little help from us! It's a good exercise in concentration, reasoning and problem-solving in a sense, a brilliant idea by Suzi to help exercise the mind. :) And mom had a great time playing, as well! We'll definitely have to keep playing. This to me demonstrates some new learning, which "they" say is much more difficult for the brain-injured to do...ta-dah! She's never been one to follow the curve. Today Crazy Eights, tomorrow perhaps knitting! The sky's the limit. I'm so proud of her, I just love her so much. She's really doing her part to work hard and get out of there...the motivation is inspiring.

SO, thanks to Suzi for the brilliant idea...we're taking it and running with it. I have to work tomorrow, but am off Tuesday and Wednesday, thank goodness. Mom will have her therapies I'm sure, and will keep a bit more busy than she does over the weekend. Just the same, I know I'll hear from her throughout the day, always the best parts. :) Thanks for the encouraging, positive comments, my friends...they mean so much...just because to some it seems like things are slowing down, if anything they're speeding up in our heads (mom's and mine) and we need that support more than ever. Also, any visitors to mom would be more than welcome...she is still very much the entertainer. :) Peace.