Magic in the air

Hi Friends,

Today was better than I'd dared to hope for, and I am near to bursting with pride and love for Mom. I was quite apprehensive as to what my state of mind would be today, as a year ago today goes down in history as the worst of my life thus far (and hopefully ever)...the fear of reliving it again was nausea-inducing to say the least. But I awoke this morning surprisingly calm, and went about my morning as usual. Mom and I had a lovely lunch at a Chinese restaurant for dim sum, our place we always went to, and though she had only a dim recollection of having been there before, the food was excellent and the conversation light.

When we'd had our fill, we made our way on the bus to the Lincoln Park Zoo. As we rode the bus, we passed her old apartment building, the place she'd been living at the time of the accident, and I pointed it out. She stared at it for a moment, and then this look came over her face...it's hard to describe, but it was like the light suddenly went on. She lit up like I haven't seen her do in some time, and began pointing out other things along the street that she recognized. We came to another street, and even without being able to see down it very far, began naming places along it that she'd frequented and things we'd done along it (like a parade we went to last year). As the bus continued on its route, she would anticipate things ahead, like the site of the farmer's market we'd gone to in the park and the building in which she'd stage managed a play awhile back. She just kept repeating "I remember! I remember everything!" over and over, oozing pure joy at finally being able to place herself in the world. When we arrived at the zoo, she remembered that too, and stood across the street for a moment, crying tears of joy before we continued inside the gates. We strolled around looking at all the animals, having a wonderful time together like always. We walked back up that familiar street again later on, and she pointed out each place that she recognized, each place she remembered vividly...even the small grocery store where she described in detail the layout of all the aisles inside and what items were in each one. She remembered the day of the parade over a year ago, and how on one particular corner there had been a group of protestors who were picketting with signs...something I hadn't even recalled until she said it! Amazing.

At the end of the day, we talked some more about Mom's feelings at having finally truly recognized her surroundings. She described how she knew logically that she was in Chicago and had been living here for some time before her accident, but that until now it had felt like she was in a strange city that she should know well but did only in the vaguest sense. As we waited for the bus, she looked around some more and said "I feel like I've been away for a long time, and I finally just got back." I can't even imagine how it must have been for her to have the awareness that she didn't remember vital things about her life, to feel always one step behind, to feel so lost, like everyone else knew the words to the song except her. Can you imagine? And now she is so incredibly grateful to finally feel grounded, to feel found. She told me that today felt like the best day of her life, and I can understand why that would be so. To yearn for that sense of familiarity and all those memories you know you should have but don't, and then to finally begin to see through the fog. Sure, she's recognized other things in the past here and there, but today was profound and so much more in depth than ever before, as was her appreciation for and understanding of the implications of it. I guess there was a bit of magic in the air today. :)

Once again, I would like to extend my most heartfelt appreciation for all your prayers, love, support and kind words over the last year. To know that you are all out there reading this and thinking about us means so much. We both thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Peace.