Another wave

Hey friends,

Today for me was like swimming through mud - not sure if that's what depression feels like, but it wasn't fun. Went to the hospital first thing to say hi, and she was looking as beautiful as ever with no significant changes. They had done another CT scan this morning, but the results weren't back yet, so I just hung out with her for a little while and chatted with her nice nurse.

Meanwhile, my amazing friends rallied and brought boxes and a car and cheer and essentially packed up about 3/4 of my apartment while I wandered around like a lost soul not knowing quite what to do next. One of my tasks was going through the tons of cards, letters, notes and other such things I've saved since I was in like, 7th grade and deciding what to keep and what to toss. My freshman year of college, mom nearly put a Hallmark store out of business buying cards to send to me every few days while I was in college. I had saved all of those and reading each one both made me smile and cry each time. There was one in particular which uncannily pertained to our current situation (she must have sent it knowing I was stressing out about final exams or something) - I quote: "Dearest Sweet Pea, Have faith in yourself because you are one hell of a woman!! Hang in there, that proverbial 'light' is right before your eyes. Then, go have some fun, damnit!" Above the message is written "One day at a time, one hour at a time, one moment at a time, one breath at a time, you can do it." Little did she know these words of wisdom she so lovingly wrote to me would have such far-reaching implications and would be able to sustain and comfort me even now.

After dinner, we headed back over to the hospital to spend some time and say goodnight. She still looks good, but we got another piece of discouraging news. They had been sending samples of the CSF drainage to check its content for protien and other cells, and the results of the most recent analysis revealed increased neutrophils (a kind of white blood cell) - this indicates a likely infection, and they plan to send a culture of the fluid, but they suspect nosocomial meningitis (hospital-aqcuired infection). They were consulting with the Infectious Disease doctors to determine which antibiotics to treat her with and planned to start them tonight. They said often when a patient gets an infection in the hospital, those bacteria can be more resistant to antibiotics, so we'll have to pray they can find a combination that kills this meningitis fast and effectively. Ugh, the water is getting a little too choppy for my taste. But I'm gonna take mom's above advice - one breath at a time.

More tomorrow, dear friends. Keep doin' what you're doin,' and thank you. So much.