Ambiguous loss

Hi Friends,

My cousin Lilly is over hanging out (yay!!!), so I won't write too much...I'll just give you a quick update. Met with mom's care manager, Dinh, today to go over some stuff...the meeting went well I guess...he is a very empathetic guy, and has gone through quite a bit of stuff in his own personal life, so he knows where I'm at. He gave me some info and some advice on what to do next (i.e. taking care of my emotional self by finding some counseling, and making a budget to manage the financial aspect of everything). He also said he was advocating for probably pushing her discharge date back a week or two because of her medical complications and such, which I'm okay with...however long she can be a in a place that is so tailored to her recovery is totally fine with me. Another term he used today was "ambiguous loss," which really hits home and describes the situation perfectly...we don't know how much of the "old" Bev is gonna come back, or how she'll be in one week let alone a year from now, so it's hard to be able to have closure and mourn the loss of a part of her when we don't even know for sure what's coming back or not. That's the hardest part of dealing with a brain injury...there is so much that no one can know until time passes. All we can do is keep the faith and hope, and believe in mom and her strong, feisty spirit.

Went to a late lunch/early dinner with Jillian (Happy Birthday again!) and Suzi, and we sat there for a long time and talked at length about lots of different stuff, and I of course cried to them a little, but they're great and didn't care. Then they both came with me to the weekly Circle of Care session...today's topic was "Family Resilience After Brain Injury." It was led by the hospital chaplain and the other care manager (who always is one of the facilitators), and it was good...we watched some of a video of survivors of brain injury talking about their lives and stuff, and then the other people who were there (who were all the family of a particular patient who just arrived at RIC this past Friday after having been in a serious car accident) asked lots of questions, and I mostly just sat back and listened, and cried of course. While I was there, Lilly arrived and spent some time with mom until the session was done, and then we all visited with mom a bit before leaving for the evening. She was MUCH less agitated tonight than she was earlier in the day (she was exhausted earlier and was falling asleep during a couple of her therapies...they worked her hard today, and she wasn't particularly happy about it as usual, but I think she napped after her sessions today), and so we had a nicer visit.

Now I am home with Lilly and we're planning to just hang out and watch a movie...it's nice to have her here, and get some family/cousin time in. :) It'll definitely cheer me up. Please, keep up the good thoughts and prayers.