Awareness
Hi Friends,
So I took my sleep aids too late last night and spend the majority of the morning trying to come out of my groggy state, so I took them early tonight and apologize for anything in here that may not make complete sense or be spelled incorrectly.
Work for 12 hrs for the first time in 6 wks!!! Wow, it actually wasn't all that bad at all. I was the unit charge, and EPro was the TL, so I felt totally comfortable leaving the unit in her capable hands while I went and hung with mom for a bit in the afternoon. The very first thing I noticed was that they'd taken out the trach!!! She just as a small bandage there to protect the hole while it heals itself up! They had also removed the Foley catheter from her bladder to give that another shot, so we'll see how it goes.
She was just finishing PT and doing some walking, but once again she was totally exhausted and falling asleep in between walking spurts. She needed lots of cheering on, but she did walk twice more for me before getting back to bed. She took a short nap before Michelle the speech therapist came for her session, and we had to constantly try to keep her awake during the whole thing. Despite that, she did do fairly okay, but we weren't able to safely do any practice with swallowing because she was too sleepy. It was a struggle for her to stay awake, and she kept getting irritated that we were waking her up when all she wanted to do was sleep. :( We also discovered that there is a suspicion that she is having some double vision, which my right now hinder her reading of smaller words and writing. Michelle said that's very common in a brain injury, but that most resolve on their own over time. Those that don't have a natural resolution are sometimes evaluated by a eye specialist at some point.
I had to sneak back to work after that, but told mom to rest up for my later visit, and that I was pretty sure she had another visitor coming later that afternoon...Nick! I came back as soon as she was done with giving off report, and found her in her room...only the room had been modified! Now that she doesn't have a trach with no possibility that she'd need to be connected to oxygen or be deep suctioned, they put these tent-like mesh things all the way around the bed...it looks like she's camping out in her tent, and I told her so! ;) I unzipped it while there so we could kiss and hug and hold hands and such...she was again very tearful tonight as she is becoming more aware that things aren't the same as they were before, that she's having trouble doing things she could do before, and that she was in a hospital at all without being able to leave. I reoriented her once again to what happened (she was crossing the street when she was hit by a bus and sustained a severe injury to her brain), that she is here in the rehab hospital to get better at doing the things she's having trouble with right now. When I came out with the brain injury, she started bawling, and kept going "Oh my god" and "Wow." I told her we never imaged being here, like this, and she said "Well, here we are." Then she asked "How am I going to be able to deal with this?" I told her "that is why you are here in this rehab hospital so that the doctors, nurses, therapists, friends and family could all help her deal with this." Then she asked "How are you dealing with this?" I got a bit teary and I said "Well, I've had a lot more time than you to get ahold of the situation and get used to it, but I'm still continuing to deal with it, and I'm going to go to a doctor to help me deal with it too, just like you." She was crying and touching my face. I kept reassuring her that she had nothing to be scared of when she was there...her nurses and PCTs and doctors and therapists are not strangers, they're all good people who are especially here to take care of her and that they care about her and are pushing her to do her best everyday. I promised her on her life. :) Then I told her that I have faith in her that she will get better and better, and that not only do I, but so do all her family and friends, my friends, and people we may never have met who are rooting for her. She was crying, and I told her I was going to keep telling that until she believed in herself...she said "Well, I already do I guess." That's right, Bev!!! We talked about how it wasn't going to be a fast recovery, and that it would be hard and take some time. She wanted to know how long, and I told her that was a question all the smart doctors don't even know the answer to because every injury is different, and every patient responds differently. She said "Well, do you think like, an hour?" I shook my head sadly and chuckled and said "Well mom, actually I was thinking in terms of several months if not more than that." I'm fairly certain she didn't quite grasp that, because she said "Oh, well, I guess that's not so bad, is it?" So her sense of time in space is not quite there yet, but it'll come with time and work. She was really glad to see Jillian too, and told us she loved us both and thanked us for coming to see her. She wanted us both to come back tomorrow, so we of course agreed!! :) I think she is scared we won't come back, but we promised her and I promised her I'd ALWAYS be back and that she'd never be truly left alone without us. She cried and was very grateful....my heart is with her every single moment. And I told her to have the nurse call me if she needed anything at all. :) Ugh, so hard to leave her.
Back to the grindstone for my second 12 hr shift of 3 in a row, with move to the new hospital on Saturday. Ah! Exciting. But exhausting. These meds are really kicking in now, so I'll go before I say something crazy. Keep praying harder than ever now, we're coming around a bend, I can feel it.
So I took my sleep aids too late last night and spend the majority of the morning trying to come out of my groggy state, so I took them early tonight and apologize for anything in here that may not make complete sense or be spelled incorrectly.
Work for 12 hrs for the first time in 6 wks!!! Wow, it actually wasn't all that bad at all. I was the unit charge, and EPro was the TL, so I felt totally comfortable leaving the unit in her capable hands while I went and hung with mom for a bit in the afternoon. The very first thing I noticed was that they'd taken out the trach!!! She just as a small bandage there to protect the hole while it heals itself up! They had also removed the Foley catheter from her bladder to give that another shot, so we'll see how it goes.
She was just finishing PT and doing some walking, but once again she was totally exhausted and falling asleep in between walking spurts. She needed lots of cheering on, but she did walk twice more for me before getting back to bed. She took a short nap before Michelle the speech therapist came for her session, and we had to constantly try to keep her awake during the whole thing. Despite that, she did do fairly okay, but we weren't able to safely do any practice with swallowing because she was too sleepy. It was a struggle for her to stay awake, and she kept getting irritated that we were waking her up when all she wanted to do was sleep. :( We also discovered that there is a suspicion that she is having some double vision, which my right now hinder her reading of smaller words and writing. Michelle said that's very common in a brain injury, but that most resolve on their own over time. Those that don't have a natural resolution are sometimes evaluated by a eye specialist at some point.
I had to sneak back to work after that, but told mom to rest up for my later visit, and that I was pretty sure she had another visitor coming later that afternoon...Nick! I came back as soon as she was done with giving off report, and found her in her room...only the room had been modified! Now that she doesn't have a trach with no possibility that she'd need to be connected to oxygen or be deep suctioned, they put these tent-like mesh things all the way around the bed...it looks like she's camping out in her tent, and I told her so! ;) I unzipped it while there so we could kiss and hug and hold hands and such...she was again very tearful tonight as she is becoming more aware that things aren't the same as they were before, that she's having trouble doing things she could do before, and that she was in a hospital at all without being able to leave. I reoriented her once again to what happened (she was crossing the street when she was hit by a bus and sustained a severe injury to her brain), that she is here in the rehab hospital to get better at doing the things she's having trouble with right now. When I came out with the brain injury, she started bawling, and kept going "Oh my god" and "Wow." I told her we never imaged being here, like this, and she said "Well, here we are." Then she asked "How am I going to be able to deal with this?" I told her "that is why you are here in this rehab hospital so that the doctors, nurses, therapists, friends and family could all help her deal with this." Then she asked "How are you dealing with this?" I got a bit teary and I said "Well, I've had a lot more time than you to get ahold of the situation and get used to it, but I'm still continuing to deal with it, and I'm going to go to a doctor to help me deal with it too, just like you." She was crying and touching my face. I kept reassuring her that she had nothing to be scared of when she was there...her nurses and PCTs and doctors and therapists are not strangers, they're all good people who are especially here to take care of her and that they care about her and are pushing her to do her best everyday. I promised her on her life. :) Then I told her that I have faith in her that she will get better and better, and that not only do I, but so do all her family and friends, my friends, and people we may never have met who are rooting for her. She was crying, and I told her I was going to keep telling that until she believed in herself...she said "Well, I already do I guess." That's right, Bev!!! We talked about how it wasn't going to be a fast recovery, and that it would be hard and take some time. She wanted to know how long, and I told her that was a question all the smart doctors don't even know the answer to because every injury is different, and every patient responds differently. She said "Well, do you think like, an hour?" I shook my head sadly and chuckled and said "Well mom, actually I was thinking in terms of several months if not more than that." I'm fairly certain she didn't quite grasp that, because she said "Oh, well, I guess that's not so bad, is it?" So her sense of time in space is not quite there yet, but it'll come with time and work. She was really glad to see Jillian too, and told us she loved us both and thanked us for coming to see her. She wanted us both to come back tomorrow, so we of course agreed!! :) I think she is scared we won't come back, but we promised her and I promised her I'd ALWAYS be back and that she'd never be truly left alone without us. She cried and was very grateful....my heart is with her every single moment. And I told her to have the nurse call me if she needed anything at all. :) Ugh, so hard to leave her.
Back to the grindstone for my second 12 hr shift of 3 in a row, with move to the new hospital on Saturday. Ah! Exciting. But exhausting. These meds are really kicking in now, so I'll go before I say something crazy. Keep praying harder than ever now, we're coming around a bend, I can feel it.
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