In a rut
Hi Friends,
I really need a pick-me-up. I think the holiday blues are upon me, and I'm becoming extremely overwhelmed with all the various prospects of the future, and how it is so uncertain. I barely know what to do with myself. In fact, I'm not so much in the mood to write much tonight, so I won't. Tried to relax a little this morning, and then went to hang out with mom after lunchtime. Pam came by for awhile in the afternoon and brought me some food...lately, I tend not to eat much because I am completely unmotivated to go get anything, which I know is a bad thing, but it's part of my major funk. Mom showed Pam all the things she got for Christmas, and we just hung out. Made a list for her of all the things she should be doing each morning to get ready for the day (brushing teeth, washing face, steps not to forget in the shower, etc) and another list of things to do to get ready for bed each night. She was very appreciative.
After Pam left, mom and I just hung out and had some good talks about the future and stuff...I think she enjoyed being included in my thought and decision-making processes (not that I made any decisions about anything really). This has not gotten any easier, despite the passage of time. Will it ever? I don't know...I am beginning again to feel like I cannot do this, I'm not strong enough or together enough to make the right decisions and juggle everything on my own...I'm starting to fall apart. I know I have lots of support, but everything ultimately rests on me and I have no one to share the burden of the work and decisions. Please say an extra prayer and send some extra love and support our way, I'm falling fast into a big rut. Peace to you all.
I really need a pick-me-up. I think the holiday blues are upon me, and I'm becoming extremely overwhelmed with all the various prospects of the future, and how it is so uncertain. I barely know what to do with myself. In fact, I'm not so much in the mood to write much tonight, so I won't. Tried to relax a little this morning, and then went to hang out with mom after lunchtime. Pam came by for awhile in the afternoon and brought me some food...lately, I tend not to eat much because I am completely unmotivated to go get anything, which I know is a bad thing, but it's part of my major funk. Mom showed Pam all the things she got for Christmas, and we just hung out. Made a list for her of all the things she should be doing each morning to get ready for the day (brushing teeth, washing face, steps not to forget in the shower, etc) and another list of things to do to get ready for bed each night. She was very appreciative.
After Pam left, mom and I just hung out and had some good talks about the future and stuff...I think she enjoyed being included in my thought and decision-making processes (not that I made any decisions about anything really). This has not gotten any easier, despite the passage of time. Will it ever? I don't know...I am beginning again to feel like I cannot do this, I'm not strong enough or together enough to make the right decisions and juggle everything on my own...I'm starting to fall apart. I know I have lots of support, but everything ultimately rests on me and I have no one to share the burden of the work and decisions. Please say an extra prayer and send some extra love and support our way, I'm falling fast into a big rut. Peace to you all.
Comments
Willing to help.
Dad
i am sorry you are feeling so down amanda. i wish so badly i could take it all away and have everything back to the way it was. you and your mom are the strongest people i have ever met in my life. we are all here.....though i know you are feeling helpless and alone. i will say some extra prayers....and my new years resolution this year will have nothing to do with me.....but only to pass on strength and courage to you.
xoxoxo
love-stef