Chores
Hi Friends,
Everyone would be so proud of me...I actually got some chores done today! I did laundry, I put away the air mattress (finally!), and went through the multitude of papers and junk mail that had piled up and filed everything, threw away/shredded the trash stuff, and just tidied it up in general. It really tired me out, and also I was feeling sad I hadn't been to the hospital yet today...I know with my head that mom would want me to be able to get stuff done that needs to be done, but at the same time, I miss her and I don't want her to feel lonely and abandoned. I finally reconciled it with myself though, and was feeling semi okay with it. But when we got to the hospital (Pam picked me up and we drove down), the nurse saw us and said "Oh, she'll be so glad you're here...I think she's been lonely all day." So of course once again the guilt washed over me and broke my heart!!! Ugh.
She was indeed happy to see us, and gave each of us a big hug and kiss. Then she asked to get up for a bit, so we got her up into her wheelchair, and asked if she wanted us to push her or whether she wanted to peddle herself around. She said she wanted to peddle herself, so we just held her hands and made sure she didn't run into anything, but she did great!!! She made it all the way around the unit once and then another half a time or so, with only a couple short stops to rest...she got frustrated a couple times and we kept telling her she was doing great, and she said disagreed and said she wasn't doing good, but we reassured her she was. Then she wanted to get back to bed, so we got her in. We were hanging out, and once again she kept telling us we should go and getting all frustrated, and finally I said in a really firm voice "Mom, we're here because we want to be, because we love you and want to spend time with you, so you need to stop stressing about it." That seemed to sink in a little bit, and then she stopped trying to get us to leave for a little while...she really worries that she is being a burden I think. But inevitably she started up again, so we left to go eat some dinner with the agreement that we'd come back afterwards to say goodnight, and she reluctantly agreed.
At the tail end of dinner, Betty (my aunt) made her nightly phone call to me, and I was just going to call her back when I got home so we could talk without me being in a loud place, but she had the idea to do another "conference call" with mom depending on how she was when we got back to say goodnight. When we got back, she wasn't too agitated or anything, so I asked her if that would be okay and she said yes. I got Betty on the phone, and put it on speaker. Mom actually engaged in a conversation! She was reaching for the phone and smiling, and I think she really would have held the phone up to her ear had it not been on speaker! She really did converse, loud enough so that Betty could hear her and they actually chatted! It didn't last long, but it was at least 1 minute, which is pretty good!
She still hasn't been sleeping, and now they are trying Seroquel (they have it to her last night and it didn't work so they're upping the dosage for tonight). This is just yet another thing for me to worry about...I really don't know how she is actually surviving, because she doesn't sleep all night, and she just takes little cat naps during the day! If this med doesn't work, I don't know what the next step is, because I feel like they've already tried everything else. Ugh, there is always something. I just feel so bad for her, and I often wish I could switch places with her. I just don't want her to be suffering, I love her so much. Please hope and pray that she will be able to sleep. Love you all.
Everyone would be so proud of me...I actually got some chores done today! I did laundry, I put away the air mattress (finally!), and went through the multitude of papers and junk mail that had piled up and filed everything, threw away/shredded the trash stuff, and just tidied it up in general. It really tired me out, and also I was feeling sad I hadn't been to the hospital yet today...I know with my head that mom would want me to be able to get stuff done that needs to be done, but at the same time, I miss her and I don't want her to feel lonely and abandoned. I finally reconciled it with myself though, and was feeling semi okay with it. But when we got to the hospital (Pam picked me up and we drove down), the nurse saw us and said "Oh, she'll be so glad you're here...I think she's been lonely all day." So of course once again the guilt washed over me and broke my heart!!! Ugh.
She was indeed happy to see us, and gave each of us a big hug and kiss. Then she asked to get up for a bit, so we got her up into her wheelchair, and asked if she wanted us to push her or whether she wanted to peddle herself around. She said she wanted to peddle herself, so we just held her hands and made sure she didn't run into anything, but she did great!!! She made it all the way around the unit once and then another half a time or so, with only a couple short stops to rest...she got frustrated a couple times and we kept telling her she was doing great, and she said disagreed and said she wasn't doing good, but we reassured her she was. Then she wanted to get back to bed, so we got her in. We were hanging out, and once again she kept telling us we should go and getting all frustrated, and finally I said in a really firm voice "Mom, we're here because we want to be, because we love you and want to spend time with you, so you need to stop stressing about it." That seemed to sink in a little bit, and then she stopped trying to get us to leave for a little while...she really worries that she is being a burden I think. But inevitably she started up again, so we left to go eat some dinner with the agreement that we'd come back afterwards to say goodnight, and she reluctantly agreed.
At the tail end of dinner, Betty (my aunt) made her nightly phone call to me, and I was just going to call her back when I got home so we could talk without me being in a loud place, but she had the idea to do another "conference call" with mom depending on how she was when we got back to say goodnight. When we got back, she wasn't too agitated or anything, so I asked her if that would be okay and she said yes. I got Betty on the phone, and put it on speaker. Mom actually engaged in a conversation! She was reaching for the phone and smiling, and I think she really would have held the phone up to her ear had it not been on speaker! She really did converse, loud enough so that Betty could hear her and they actually chatted! It didn't last long, but it was at least 1 minute, which is pretty good!
She still hasn't been sleeping, and now they are trying Seroquel (they have it to her last night and it didn't work so they're upping the dosage for tonight). This is just yet another thing for me to worry about...I really don't know how she is actually surviving, because she doesn't sleep all night, and she just takes little cat naps during the day! If this med doesn't work, I don't know what the next step is, because I feel like they've already tried everything else. Ugh, there is always something. I just feel so bad for her, and I often wish I could switch places with her. I just don't want her to be suffering, I love her so much. Please hope and pray that she will be able to sleep. Love you all.
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--Brandon Ray